Update. (For lack of a creative title)

Hey guys!

Hope you're all doing well. I pray as you read this you are filled with love and joy.

I've been struggling with thinking of what to write about. I feel like the first couple weeks I was overwhelmed with all the newness and being immersed in God's powerful presence. Everything was new and exciting so I had tons to write about. I think God had a lot he wanted to do and deal with at the beginning to get me set on the right track and get some healing and heart surgery out of the way. 

First I can say God is good and he is faithful. As cliche as it sounds, it couldn't be more true. Through the ups and downs this month I've seen his goodness as a constant through-line. Oh! By the way, today is my one month anniversary with Pemba, Mozambique. May 29th I arrived! Can't believe it's June 29th already. The days and weeks are REALLY starting to fly by. 

I think the last week or 2 I have been in a bit of a funk. Not sure why. A lot happened in our house. We had some major spiritual attacks, including one girl having to go home, which was really sad. I didn't feel like it affected me that much, but I'm wondering if it did on a subconscious level more than I realized. I've also been doing a lot of soul-searching and questioning. 

Yesterday, our house got to go off base to another Iris property on a different beach for kind of a "debriefing" time for all the struggles that had gone on in our house the past week or two. We have really been blessed and loved on. Everyone has been so caring. Yesterday was a wonderful time! Gorgeous scenery, fun time with my house family, and time away to breathe and refocus. One of the guest speakers and her team who's main ministry is inner-healing, came with us and spoke to us and ministered/prayed/prophesied over us. It's was a sweet, sweet time. And to top it off, they treated us to dinner afterwards at an amazing restaurant! God is good and he apparently likes to spoil house 9. ;) the best house by far btw! 

When I first planned to come here I felt like I was completely surrendered and ready to go wherever God would send me. I also felt (or maybe just hoped) that I would get some big, monumental calling. I'd fall on the ground and hear the audible voice of God telling me exactly what to do and where to go. Ok, maybe that's wishful thinking, but one can hope right? Lol. 

Anyway, ever since I've been here, I've felt less and less of a draw to be a missionary. I've felt so selfish and self-centered and often counting the days till I would be home with all my loved ones and all my comforts of home. I've had thoughts of "nope this isn't for me. I wasn't cut out for this. I'm just called to comfortable America." I've been wrestling with verses like leaving father and mother for the gospel, selling everything and giving to the poor etc. Did Jesus really mean those things? Was that message just to some or to every believer? I've felt a lot of guilt and fear, which I know isn't from The Lord but there is an extreme amount pressure I've been feeling. I also know that the goal of this school isn't pressure or guilt tripping but that's what I've been feeling in class a lot. And I leave class feeling confused and guilty and frustrated. Again, I know that is none of the speakers goal and they're intentions are Godly and pure. I'm probably putting the guilt and pressure on myself, but nevertheless that is what I've felt.

Something else that has been bothering me is my heart towards the people here. I expected to come here and fall in love with the people and immerse myself in the culture and learn from them and have God break my heart for them. Up until this week, almost the opposite had happened. Which is so out of character for me. Normally in Guatemala and other places I've been, I absolutely love connecting with the local people and learning their culture and immersing myself in it. Here I've had almost no desire. I've wanted to be alone or with my housemates. I'm just being brutally open and honest. I haven't wanted to be around the Mozambicans much. Too much noise, too hot, too different, kids too pushy, too touchy, too hard with the language barrier, too whatever, you name it, I've had the excuses. And it made me angry because like I said, that's so uncharacteristic of me. 

With all of that said, I feel like a weight has lifted from me this week. Not sure how or why. Well I do. It's Jesus working in me. But I've been able to re-surrender and find peace in trusting Jesus, knowing that his plans are perfect and he will guide me even if it's one baby step at a time. 

God has been softening my heart. I feel like this first half of my time here has been him working on my heart and sovereignly giving me the time to wrest and soak up his presence. (Which He knows I couldn't have done as well if I was spending all the time doing "ministry"). So even through my weakness and selfishness, He is sovereign. Even the last couple days, God has been softening my heart and bringing me joy in serving. One of my assignments is to help in children's church on Sundays. Today God opened my heart so much to the children. I knew it was him, because my attitude and feelings toward the kids were so different today. I had so much fun with them and my heart was just breaking for them and yet so full of joy spending time with them and loving on them. They are so beautiful. Today in church, I had two girls leaning on me and fell asleep on me. They were precious. All of their smiles and hugs are helping to soften my heart again. I feel like I'm feeling some of the same feelings I felt my first few trips to Guatemala. I pray that God is reviving my heart and continues the work he started. 

Please pray for continued guidance and openness on my part. Pray that I will hear God's voice and more importantly: listen. Pray for my heart to be transformed and broken with love for the people around me, whether they are the people I'm "called to" or not. 

On a more practical level, I have been really healthy the last two weeks! Praise Jesus! Although I have some kind of lingering, very weird throat issue. Never felt anything like it before. Occasionally if I start to cry or inhale a certain way I feel like there's something sharp in my throat. Not sure what's wrong with it. It's only once in awhile, so nothing too bad, but slightly concerning. 

No running water still. I've lived a month without running water so I feel pretty invincible! Haha. It's been on a handful of times for an hour or so, but never lasts. I guess the water pump was broken or something and they didn't have the means to replace it. Students have donated money to get it sorted out so we may have running water again soon, but honestly I've completely adjusted and I'd rather have chocolate or peanut butter than running water. ;) 

Movie night!

God bless you! 

Worship and warfare

There has been a lot going on this past week. A lot of people and houses have been getting attacked. Ours especially. One of our housemates even had to leave because of all that she was dealing with. It has been a difficult time for many. A lot of spiritual warfare.

This morning, in light of all that's been happening, we met for worship and prayer inside the student compound, right in the middle of a bunch of the houses. 

We had a time of worship and prayer. All of it definitely had a flavor of battle cry and warfare. Multiple times we let out shouts to God and battle cries. A number of people today have spoken about taking up our sword, being tenacious and strong in the spirit. We prayed over different issues going on and claimed the victory. We also had moments of rejoicing and dancing. It's so much fun kicking of my shoes and jumping with joy and abandon in the dirt. I love it. :) 

After our corporate time, we split up and went to pray over our houses. We have all felt that ours needs specific protection after all that's gone on this week. We had such an incredible time praying over our house. We did different symbolic things, anointing, marching around 7 times, singing in the spirit, shouting, praying, dancing. It was so much fun and I think we all felt God's presence. A number of people have had visions or seen angels in or on our house. One guy who had no idea the situation we were dealing with told a girl in our house that he doesn't normally see in the spirit but he's seen lots of angels on our house. We were definitely blessed and excited to hear that!

I'm truly grateful to be in a community of so many amazing men and women of God. They are true warriors. 

I'll end with lyrics from one of the songs we sang this morning:

The enemy has been defeated
Death couldn't hold You down
Gonna lift our voice in victory
Gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up, we lift Your name up!

It's all about intimacy

Hello everybody!

I miss you all so very much. I've been praying for family and friends back home. I'd like to offer if you have any prayer needs to post them in a comment or email me and I will pray over them once I get them! marynegley@icloud.com

Life is going pretty well. God continues to amaze and overwhelm me. 

It's been awhile since I've written so I may be a little scatterbrained trying to remember things. 

First off I just want to explain that God has changed my perspective for this summer. I came here expecting to go out and do all these great things and see miracles and spend a lot of time getting to know the Mozambican people here. (I definitely think those things will still happen, at least to some extent.) But right now in these three weeks I've been here he just keeps telling me to rest and draw close to Him. Although normally as Christians we say, "it's not about me." I feel like to some extent Jesus has been saying to me "it's all about you, Mary." Not to be self-centered, but that He wants my heart. He wants to pursue me and love on me and teach me who he is and who I am. He is teaching me so much about intimacy with him and how important and how beautiful it is. 

It's been a bit of a stretch and learning process. Although my heart wants to rest and just spend time with him, I almost feel guilty at times. There are so many options of things to do here with free time. Go to the market, go to town, go out to eat, spend time in the kids or baby houses, go into the village and do evangelism or praying for people, go to the beach, go to different optional guest speaker sessions, worship sessions and more! But he keeps bringing me back to a place of rest and intimacy. I actually had that word spoken over me that he wanted me to rest and experience his love. The person praying for me actually said that God wanted me to do whatever I wanted. (Within reason of course;) But it was very freeing just knowing how good he is and how his grace is so big. As long as our hearts are on him that's what he cares about most.

I had another cool encounter with the Holy Spirit in class worship one morning this week. I was praying for my family and some people at home and felt the Holy Spirit on me so strong. I began weeping and weeping (seems to be how the Holy Spirit likes to work in me often. Haha) and I could just feel his presence. 

Ok, I guess I need to back up. Many know this but I have questioned for years why I haven't experienced the Holy Spirit in more tangible ways as I've longed for it and prayed for it and been prayed over. One manifestation specifically of tongues. I've never told anyone this, but I started quite awhile ago, speaking out in prayer what I believed could be my prayer language. I only did it in private and I always doubted that it was real or from God. I always felt like I was just making it up. Everyone I knew who spoke in tongues had always had a very marking, definite experience where they knew that they received the gift. I had never had that so I doubted it but I still tried to step out in faith and pray. I knew that whether it was the Holy Spirit or not, God would honor it because I was doing it out of faith and for his glory and not for anyone else. Ok back to present. So when I was in worship and felt the Holy Spirit on me was the first time I had every truly felt the Holy Spirit moving my lips and my tongue. It was kind of crazy and I still don't really understand it or know if it will happen again, but it was a pretty amazing experience. After that happened I was just in awe and worship and joyful thanks to Jesus. During that time of being touched by God, there was someone behind me who put their hand on me and prayed for me, then another staff member (the funny guy Papa Tony) came from across the room and laid a hand on my shoulder and was praying for me. I don't even know what he prayed (he prayed silently) or why he felt lead to come over but I believe he could tell God was touching me because he literally came from the other side of the room through the crowd just to pray for me. God apparently likes to work in 3-fold experiences for me because he still wasn't done with me. A tiny, adorable Hispanic lady I had never met, came up to me and said she wanted me to receive a hug from the Father, so she wrapped her arms around me and prayed for me. We both cried. She prayed for Jesus' love to touch me and for him to complete the work he was doing in me, she prayed for freedom and some other things I don't really remember but it was really good. Part of the time she prayed in Spanish which was meaningful to me, because she had no idea I understood Spanish. She was so precious. I'm extremely blessed by how God uses others to minister to me. 

As I experience the Holy Spirit more and in different ways I've desired for so long, God is speaking and opening my eyes. Although those experiences have been amazing and I praise him for touching me, I feel like he has allowed me to experience those things to know that they are good gifts but He is really all I need. Those experiences haven't changed me or changed my relationship with him. He's still the same. I could be wrong in interpreting it this way but I almost feel like he's saying "See Mary, those things are great, but you don't need them. You know me and you haven't needed those things to know me. I'm so much better." So I feel extremely honored to be able to know his heart. 

Another thing God has been teaching me about is righteousness and holiness. I have always wanted to be righteous and holy, but I can't say in my life I have ever truly hungered for it, until now. Matthew 5:6 is quickly becoming a favorite. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied." I've actually experienced a hungering and longing for righteousness, purity and holiness. A hunger to be sanctified and be more like Jesus. And the great thing is, he promises he will satisfy!

Jesus has also been speaking to me about my identity. Not even as much on a deep level. One day in class they were speaking about identity. I started writing in my journal all these thing that I felt God was showing me about myself. I filled up a whole page with phrases like "I made you to be ___" "I made you for ___" it's so cool, because it's not even necessarily that deep or spiritual. It doesn't say anything about what I'll be doing in the future or what job or ministry. It's just things about how he made me. For example free and childlike. I think it's going to be a great thing to go and look back on. 

God has been highlighting so many areas in my life. Uncovering things I didn't even think about and bringing up areas to gently deal with. One of which has been forgiveness and praying for people who have hurt me. That's always a fun one! Haha. But God is good and faithful to soften my heart when I let him. He has allowed me to feel compassion and love in situations in a natural state I really shouldn't be able to.

God gave me a picture the other day of all these rooms in my heart that he was coming and cleaning out and making completely white and shiny on the inside. Areas of hurt and pain and all kind of crap. The picture was more specific and personal but I feel like in a broad way that's exactly what he is doing this whole time. 

He's so good. I just want to receive all that he has for me so that when the time comes I can pour out to whoever he puts in front of me. 

I pray that what he is teaching me continues to bless all of you who read it and that he will speak to and impart his spirit in greater ways to you too! 

Sorry, no pictures this time. Haven't done anything too exciting or gone anywhere picture-worthy. What he is doing in me can't really be captured in a picture anyway. 

P.s. I've been sick all week with a bad chest cold but I feel like I'm finally getting over it. Still coughing, but my body feels good and getting stronger. Thanks for praying! 

Oh, one more thing! We had our first meeting yesterday morning for the Cambodia team. It was so good! Still didn't get a ton of details, but we will be visiting both bases there, one in the capital and one on the coast. (Jesus loves to bless me with the beach;) It was great connecting with the leaders and others going. At the meeting there were only two other students, both girls. More people may join or decide to go still. They have till July 1st to finalize all the teams. But I will definitely be ok with a small group. And I already feel a connection with the two other girls. The leaders and 3 of us girls all prayed together and we felt a lot of unity. I left the meeting SO excited for the trip. I can't wait! 

Be blessed! And remember I would love to pray for you if you have any requests! 

Rivers of living water

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. 

Last night was so crazy. God seriously just wrecked me with his love and presence in ways I don't think I've ever experienced before. 

Yesterday (Friday) was a really relaxing day. I'm quickly realizing that weekends are my favorite part of time here. Class is good and I've been learning, but the week is so long and exhausting for me. I'm really blessed to be able to have so much time and freedom on the weekends to spend with God, friends, catching up with family, going to the beach, going out to eat or catching up on chores or whatever! And not to mention I feel like God has been speaking to me the most through my personal time with him and through others more than class or the speakers or anything else. 

Yesterday afternoon I went to lunch with some girls from my house. We found a restaurant with pizza!! The pizza wasn't anything special, but it was pizza and we had a very chill time, with a beautiful view and we ate a lot! Haha. Walking back we saw probably one of the most beautiful sunsets if not the beautiful sunset I've ever seen. Pictures of course. When I see stuff like that my heart feels like it's going to explode sometimes. It makes me want to jump and shout and run around. It's so crazy amazing how beautiful God is. One of my friends could tell how much I was geeking out and she said, "God is just romancing you! He's so romantic!" And I realized how right she was. He really has been capturing my heart in so many ways, one of which is his beauty in creation. I can't explain how it makes me feel. I said multiple times, "aaaagh! I just can't handle it!" I feel so incredibly blessed to be in such beauty.

When we got back from dinner I went to sit on the back porch with some of my house mates. After chatting for awhile someone suggested playing a "prophetic game" At first I was extremely skeptical and I've heard people talk about them before and felt like it could easily be fake and forced. And another reason I was freaked out is because I haven't walked in the prophetic much and feel like I have a hard time hearing from God and getting pictures, words, etc. I thought about telling them that I didn't have that gift and I'd never done that before but I decided to just roll with it and told God "ok, if you want to speak to me, here I am. I'm not gonna make excuses or say I can't hear from you." The game was picking a category and then praying and asking God for words or pictures related to it for one of the people in the group. We did feet, like direction, asking God where there feet were going. I just went with it and asked God to speak to me. I got a picture for every person on their turn. Some of them I didn't feel like connected much or were necessarily from God but it was crazy to see how some of them hit the nail on the head and really impacted the people I gave them. It was extremely humbling. When it was my turn to receive words I got so many that were meaningful to me. Some of them I have to take with a grain of salt but some of them were just really encouraging and powerful. I've been learning here that the Holy Spirit is so much more simple than I thought. I've always tried to make it logical and super spiritual. But sometimes it's not. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it is, but sometimes it's just realizing that God made your mouth, he made your mind, he made your eyes, ears and emotions, so why can't he speak to you and use your thoughts? I'm realizing he usually speaks to me very gently. I'm learning, I feel like a baby crawling, but I'm relying on God to teach me and use me to and flow through me more and more. 

As we were on the porch prophesying and encouraging each other we saw people filling up buckets at the spicket behind our house, which meant.... THE WATER WAS ON!!! (Unfortunately by the next morning it wasn't. But it was good while it lasted) as the water was running their were a few staff members who I think were just chatting over there but then they started praying. I think maybe they were praying over the water and prophetically speaking streams of living water and revival to flow. Soon they started manifesting the Holy Spirit and laughing and all this crazy stuff. We were getting really distracted from our game on our porch seeing it all unfold. As it continued, people would walk by and be drawn to it and the Holy Spirit started touching other people. The group of people standing by the water kept growing and growing and people were laughing and falling down, and all kinda crazy stuff I probably would have been freaked out by a few years ago. Something God really emphasizes here is joy. All the missionaries are so dependent on the joy of The Lord for their strength and he definitely pours it out! Once we finished our time on the porch we all went over to see what was going on. I secretly just wanted whatever they had, I wanted in on what God was doing. The funniest thing I saw was one guy fell out in the spirit and he was laying in the dirt with a dazed face laughing and making dirt angels. Lol. Ok, I've probably lost some followers by now thinking this is psycho. I've felt that way before but I keep going back to Acts where people thought people were drunk when the Holy Spirit fell on them. And let me tell you, that is EXACTLY how it is. Seeing some people's reactions just makes me laugh. They literally seemed so wasted. 

I've never experienced that before and I've always told myself something's wrong with me or that God doesn't want me to experience him in those ways. But last night I got a taste of it. I made my way into the group and a couple of my friends were shaking and laughing and crazy stuff, and they came over to me and one girl said "I just want to pray for you, don't feel any pressure." But shortly after they started praying i felt kind of like some shock waves going through my body and started laughing and basically collapsed. It was crazy. Again it was more simple and gentle than I expected but it was just a huge revelation last night everything that happened like "ok God. All the lies I've believed about me not being able to receive or experience you in those ways broke off and I feel so much freedom, like now I can actually believe for those things in my life." It was very freeing just like a big sigh kind of, weight off my shoulders like "ok, now I'm just ready for all of it. And I know I can receive it."  So let's just say I'm SO excited for the more I know He has for me!!! Let's go!

And... That wasn't even close to the end of it. 

After the Holy Ghost party was kind of breaking up, I was talking with one of my housemates and 3 others I didn't really know. They were sharing some and encouraging each other and when we were about to go to bed, one guy asked if they could pray for me. I said yes, so the four of them gathered around and prayed for me and it was CRAZY! That's the word for the day I guess. Haha. Pretty much everything they prayed was so right on. And 3 of them didn't even know me! God brought up so much about me, my past, pain and hurt and things I've dealt with, insecurities, lies and all kinds of stuff. I cried so hard. It was kind of painful but so cleansing and releasing too. They all poured out God's love on me and spoke so much over my life. I can't even go into all of it because it was so deep and I think a lot of it needs to stay between me and God but I just knew his love so deep last night when I went to bed. Like wow. God basically sent strangers to come and love me and pour out God's love, to encourage me, bring healing, bring community and so much to me. I'm still just shaking my like "Jesus, you really really really love me!" I pray that all of you would know his love like that! 

I can't explain how I feel. I feel so much freedom and joy and peace. And just a lightness, like God's taken pain and fear and lies and just filled me up with him. 

I'm sitting here using the wifi for an hour and it sounds like some craziness is breaking out again, so tonight could be interesting. Haha.

So that's my post for today. I'm quite sure yesterday was my favorite day so far. I can't wait to see what else God has in store! 

Time's fun when you're having flies

Ok the title is random. No fly problems or anything (although I'm experiencing plenty of different bugs and bites!), but it's something one of the staff members said the other day in announcements. He's an older guy we call Papa Tony. He's quite the joker and his announcements each morning are always a highlight of the day. Full of jokes and corny puns. 

Life has been going well! There was a day last week that I was sick with stomach problems and one day this week I was sick with stomach problems and those were definitely my lowest points. Those were the moments I was ready to give up and buy a plane ticket home, be in my own bed, my own bathroom (with running water!) and just quit. I definitely had those feelings when I was awake half the night with stomach pain needing to go to the bathroom, but couldn't in our house because we had no running water, and didn't want to walk alone to the latrines (on the complete opposite side of the compound) at 3am. God showed me later that in those moments of my complete weakness, even the moments I was in the latrine or spending more time than I would like on the toilet (sorry if this is tmi) but even then he was holding me, looking at me with love and kindness. He saw me with compassion and never let go. He saw the bigger picture and saw how he was refining me through my utter weakness and dependency on him. He loves when we are weak because then he can be strong for us. I've experienced neediness in a whole new way. When he is all I have and the only strength I can depend on when I'm ready to quit. He was gracious enough that the two times I was sick, it didn't last more than 24 hours. This past week I was miserable in class Monday morning, then a couple girls prayed for me, I layed down on my mat in worship and by the time I got up, my stomach felt almost 100% better. Then I was able to connect with God and worship him more deeply, thanking him for healing and rejoicing in his presence. 

I feel like in this time so far God has been romancing my heart and drawing me closer to himself. He just keeps bringing me back to the heart. It's all about the heart. It's not about the ministry, it's not about the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, it's about our heart for Jesus. It's about his heart for us. It all comes down to his love for us and our love for him. His love has been so tender and gentle to me in this time. His peace has been almost overwhelming at times. 

God has broken my heart a couple of times during worship for family and friends back home. He has burdened my heart to pray for my friends and family and put more compassion in my heart and sensitivity to them being so far away than I think I ever could have had being there with them. He is depending my love for those closest to me at home. One day he met me with gentle convitiction for areas of my heart that had been impatient, irritable, and not loving at all to people back home. He's gently showing me areas of my heart where I can grow and love better starting with those he's put in front of me, closest to me at home. I love God's convitiction. It may seem weird to say, but that's how you know it's God. It's not guilt but just a gentle breaking of your heart for things you've done that have broken his. And his grace and mercy covers all of it.

Someone gave me a word today that I was like gold. That I was precious to God and that he was refining me and burning off everything that wasn't of him, that he was purfifing me with his fire and that I wasn't afraid of that fire, I wasn't afraid to go into his refining fire. It was such a blessing for me because I have prayed that prayer multiple times since I've been here. That God would take out everything in me that's not like him and make me more like Jesus through each circumstance. 

Can I just say I love my house family?! One of my favorite nights is quickly becoming Tuesday night when we have family night with our house. There are so many amazing and diverse women of God in my house. So far on family nights we all eat dinner together on our front porch rather than in the cafeteria or elsewhere. Then we have 3 people share their testimonies. It's been a beautiful thing to hear their stories and I look forward to being able to hear everyone's. It's just a beautiful thing to know and be known and so encouraging to see what God has done in their lives. And of course there are always parts of testimonies I connect to and relate with which is also very encouraging. After testimonies we put the 3 ladies who shared in the middle and pray and bless them and speak words or pictures over them that God gives us.

Something we started this week is giving a special gift to someone in our house on Tuesday night. We were asked to pray and ask God to put someone on our heart and ask him what to give them. It could be a prophetic word, a letter, picture, chocolate, jewelry or WHATEVER God put on our heart to bless another girl. It was so beautiful seeing how God orchestrated it and how each gift was meaningful to each one. I definitely feel blessed and privileged to be in the house I am in and with the people I live with. Although sometimes it's a challenge being packed in like sardines, God has given so much grace and so far there haven't been any issues between anyone from what I've seen, which is quite a miracle in itself!

Another incredibly moving experience this week was doing a foot washing Cermeony. We did this with our ministry team that went on bush outreach together. (We call these color groups, which is what I'll refer to them as from now on.) our group's color is "glory" which I didn't know was a color but it's a pretty good one I think. ;) so our glory group is our 10 or so harvest students and maybe 6 Mozambican bible students. We set out a chair and a bucket and took turns getting our feet washed and washing others' feet. While each person had their feet washed, everyone else gathered around and laid hands on the person getting their feet washed and prayed for them. I've done foot washing before but it has never been so emotional and moving for me. I think with all I've been learning about honor and humility I was just overwhelmed with the honor it was for us to wash our Mozambican brother's feet and to have them wash ours. It was a beautiful picture. I of course, was crying. As were a few others. Another reason it was so meaningful is because my feet were SO dirty! It truly took on a new meaning. I haven't really bathed since Saturday when I washed in the ocean and haven't even really tried to get the layers of dirt off my feet because it's kind of pointless to use a thousand baby wipes just to have them filthy again in a few hours. (Not to mention my legs are extremely hairy! Gross. Lol) It was so humbling to have my feet washed and I closed my eyes and could just picture Jesus washing my feet. Wow. That's who he is! That's what he does. That's his heart. He is humble and lowly in heart. I just want to be like him. 

Thursday night we had a "creative worship/soaking" time. It was a time of free worship expression. We had different people taking turns leading worship. They had paints and art supplies set out for people to do art, lots of space to dance and wave flags, and the freedom to just lay down or take a nap if that's what you needed. I did a little dancing, a little drawing and a little napping. ;) That time was true blessing. 

Praise/prayer would be that Monday the water came back on... For maybe an hour... And hasn't been on since. Lol. So continued prayer for running water would be great! Though not my will but his be done.

Also praise Jesus I haven't had any stomach problems since Monday or Tuesday.

Pray continued protection over my insides. 

Wednesday I started having a sore throat and it's been turning into congestion/cold. It's kind of frustrating because I VERY RARELY get sick at home and it's been one thing after another here. Being in a completely different environment, one that's often challenging and very exhausting isn't the easiest environment to be sick in. But God is good and he's teaching me and I believe he will heal me and give me strength again like he has before.

Now it's Friday and my sore throat is pretty much all gone! Still got a little congestion but feeling a lot better! Yay!

This morning (Friday) I went up to the building/hut we have school in and spent some time with God. It's one of the closest places I've found to being alone except there are usually a few other people there. For a week or so I've wanted to do some dancing and working out in there and this morning finally got around to it. It was so much fun. I did a little dance workout and stretching, and then I did some worship. A song that has been on my heart for awhile and I spent some time dancing my heart out to this morning is Jon Thurlow's Fully in Love. Maybe I'll actually get around to choreographing something to it eventually instead of just improving. It's sooo good. :) 

My African dance studio:

Random praise report: many people probably know my struggles I've had with hamstrings and injuries/pulled muscles the last few years. Since I've been here I've stretched twice and I've felt practically no pain while stretching. I don't know if it's the heat and humidity and being nice and warm, but my muscles have been much looser and I've been able to stretch deeper and further than I have in a very long time, with no pain! If you're a dancer it's like that warm, strechy, bendy feeling that is just the absolute best! At home I've gotten warm enough to that point maybe like a couple times in the last year. Just praying I don't wake up hurting tomorrow. ;) but Jesus is so good to bless me even in something small like that!

Oh btw, Fridays we don't have class. We are supposed to have a practical mission on Fridays. We just found out last night what we got for our mission. There was a list of about 60 missions. We put down our preference and any skill sets we had last week and waited to see what they assigned us to. I got really blessed! This wasn't even one of the missions to choose from, but I mentioned on my paper that I taught dance and worked with kids, so now I am supposed to be teaching dance with a few other women to the young girls that live on base! Time and details are still tbd. I actually have 2 practical missions, and my other one is helping with kids Sunday school. I feel lucky because some people got things like roofing or teaching English when they had no interest or desire to do it. I would have trusted God if I got something like that, but I'm glad I got something that uses my gifts and my heart! 

Pray for my eyes and ears and heart to be opened wider and wider each day to hear God's voice and know his heart. I am seeking God for a lot of things for my future plans and selfishly would love for God to just drop it all in my lap, but that's not usually how he works, so pray for patience and trust in the process and faith to put one foot in front of the other.

Another big praise: WIFI HOTSPOT ON BASE! students can now pay a small fee to use an hour of wifi. Not sure how often that will be open, but it's something! Pray that it works well, because I have yet to find wifi that works like it does in the US and does all I want it to in the time I want it to. There are also an abundance of people who want to use it and it doesn't work if too many people use it at the same time. I guess wifi here runs on Africa time too. ;) 

I haven't taken many pictures recently so I don't really have any new ones to post, but here's what a Mary that hasn't showered in a week and a room that has 6 women living in it with all their 3 months worth of luggage and stuff look like. Lol.

And now that your eyes hurt, here's some beautiful Africa:

On our back porch. One of my favorite places to hang out (no pun intended): 

Ok, I think that's all for now. This was a really long post. I kept adding to it throughout the week. Probably could have broken up into separate posts, but oh well. Hope you enjoyed it. :)

Thank you again and again for your prayers and support! God bless you! 

Bush bush continued.

I wanted to write a more detailed post about my bush outreach because I didn't get to tell much about it in my last post. Sorry if some stuff is repetitive but I wanted to go into more detail and try to remember everything that happened.

So last Thursday after class was our time slotted to leave for outreach. I packed my backpack (a really nice new one which was a gift and has been a huge blessing) along with my tent, sleeping bag, camp pad (which were borrowed from a church friend and also a blessing!) We met at the front of the base and loaded up on flatbed trucks with tarp coverings. Our truck was crammed to say the least. Our team of 12 was going on outreach with all of the visiting mission teams who were currently at Iris along with the Heidi, Rolland, the guest speakers and their ministry teams. 

We got lucky with our village we went to as it was only about an hour and a half away. Some teams will drive much longer up to like 10 hours to villages. The ride was very bumpy, hot and dusty, but lots of fun! We all laughed when we flew up in the air and sang songs, learning some local songs.

When we arrived in the village we were greeted by a mob of kids chasing the truck, running as fast as they could, cheering, clapping, singing with the biggest smiles on their faces. I have a video but I don't know if I'll be able to get it on here. 

When we unloaded, we set up our tents in an open space in the village. They had the girls set up towards the middle and the guys on the outside to kind of protect us. All through the weekend, with no exception, there was NO LACK of children. Whatever we did, they were right there observing and trying to figure out what all these white people were doing and what they were all about. From the moment we woke got out of our tents to the moment we went to sleep, they were there watching, following, holding our hands.

Once it got dark the Mozambican pastors and leaders set up the screen to show the Jesus film. To attract people they play some loud upbeat praise music in the local language (Makua) and a dance party often breaks out. That's one thing I loved about outreach, was the dancing! In Africa EVERYONE dances. It's not just the teenagers or the people who think they have rhythm. It's the little kids to the old men, to the teenage guys, to the grandmas and women with babies on their backs. It's so much fun dancing with them, they definitely know how to have a good time! We had a good turn out that night, probably a couple hundred people, tons of kids. But I'm bad at guessing numbers. We sat in the dirt under the amazing stars and watched the film. A little girl fell asleep on my lap. After the film, Heidi got up and shared a little bit and then the Mozambican leaders acted out a play of the Good Samaritan. They also did a skit on the prodigal son and shared the gospel through those. 

When all of that was finished all of the "foreigners" lined up and made a prayer tunnel for people to come through who wanted prayer for salvation or healing. We had TONS of people go through the line. It was almost overwhelming. I didn't see any crazy or immediate healing but I think there were some going on around me, and I believe quite a few people came forward for salvation too.

After the program we ate dinner out under the stars (common theme, haha). We had a guy who came with us and cooked us dinner over a fire. The kids all swarmed around with wide eyes waiting to see if they could get any scraps or leftovers. It was kind of heartbreaking. They have had a lot of flooding in the last few months in Mozambique and this particular village had all of their crops and food wiped out and devastated so they have been experiencing a lot of hunger. They did get some food when we were there though. My appetite had not been big at all, so I would eat a little and give the rest to the kids. They would scramble like crazy for it. But still some of them would share. You don't know the meaning of sharing until you've seen a starving child get half of a roll and tear it into tiny pieces to share with siblings and friends. It's really crazy.

The next day we got up and Heidi made everyone coffee. Starbucks at that! The coffee was a big deal. Something they always do now when they go into villages, which has opened lots of doors and hearts, is to honor the chiefs and leaders of the village, and also the pastor of the village. (Some of the villages that people go to on outreach are unreached groups that haven't heard the gospel before. The village we went to had a small iris church established there.) So that morning Heidi made coffee for all the missionaries and the leaders of the village. She said that she always wanted to serve her best coffee and it was really an honor to the people there because the Portuguese had once told the Mozambicans that they couldn't have coffee and that coffee was only for the Portuguese. Heidi talks a lot about reversing the curse, specifically of colonization and it was really neat to see that in action in a tangible way. And another awesome testimony that made it even more meaningful to me is this:

Shout out to Allison Bain, I hope you read this! My amazing friend Allison works at Starbucks and before I left told me she had 3 pounds of coffee to send with me. I told her I wasn't sure if I would have weight room in my suitcases, but guess what, I did! So before I knew any of this I had 3 pounds of Starbucks coffee in my bags coming with me. So after Heidi served us coffee I went up to her and told her that my friend had sent some and I was asking if she could use it as it was whole bean and I didn't know if she had a way to use it. She excitedly said "Yes! These were my last bags of Starbucks we just finished up, that would be wonderful!" So Allison, you rock and you may not know the impact your coffee could have and the doors it could open for the gospel! Isn't that crazy?!?? Hahaa yay Jesus. 

After coffee and breakfast, we did a little worship, in multiple languages. Makua worship is always upbeat and involves dancing. I love hearing them sing! They have such beautiful voices. Then we took a time to bless the leaders of the village by presenting them with beautiful fabrics we put over their shoulders, a sign of honoring them. Heidi also gave them some solar-powered audio bibles with lots of other resources on them. Very cool! Lastly each group or mission team went through a line kneeling down, shaking the hands of the leaders, telling them our names and professions, thanking them for allowing us to come to their village and anything else that was on our heart. I think it was more meaningful and emotional than any of us expected. Especially knowing how it has opened so many doors. Heidi shared about how a few years ago they were often getting stoned in different villages and were not welcome, but when God taught them to honor the leaders, he started softening hearts and making a way were there wasn't a way. Something you will hear Heidi say over and over is to go "low and slow" meaning being humble, lowering yourself in honor before others, preferring them and going slow, not rushing, not seeing people as a project or having an agenda, but building relationship and really being present with the one in front of you. When we had finished greeting the leaders we had more opportunity to go "low and slow" going out into the village. They sent us two by two just to go sit with people in their homes and be with them, love them, learn the language, pray etc. It was a special time. Nothing big or crazy happened, I actually didn't even pray for anyone. One person I asked said no because they were Muslim. But just learning how to love and how to be Jesus without having an agenda. Learning how to sit and enjoy the company of people without knowing the language. Feeling like they actually were blessed by you being there. It was truly an honor for me.

That afternoon we played with kids and did some organized activities with them. I just can't state enough how MANY kids there were. They just seemed to come from everywhere and out of nowhere. All ages, lots of small girls, some looked as young as 4 or 5, would be carrying a baby brother or sister tied on their back. They had so much joy and excitement for everything we were doing.

That second day around lunch time the rest of the teams went home so it was only my small ministry group the second night along with our Mozambican leaders. We showed the Jesus film again the second night. A few people shared testimonies and again we prayed for people for salvation and healing. I saw a few headaches healed for people I was praying with. 

One area God really stretched me was in personal space. I'm being stretched already in that this whole trip, but bush outreach was another level. My introvert was screaming a few times being in crowds and chaos and LOTS of noise. The kids there have no sense of personal space and their culture is not gentle or exactly polite. Haha. For example, someone handed me a bottle of nail polish and asked if I could help paint girl's nails and I was almost instantly swarmed with probably thirty kids (boys and girls) pushing and sticking their hands in my face just dying to have their nails painted, I probably spent close to an hour doing that and painted the fastest sloppiest manicures I have ever done in my life. If you know my perfectionist side you know that was a stretch too. ;P 

Another time a friend and I were going to try to "rest" a half hour before our next activity, so we sat down in the shade next to a hut and closed our eyes. But there were again, probably thirty kids swarmed around just sitting there staring at us waiting to see if we would do any tricks I guess. Haha. 

But overall the kids there were beautiful and amazing, they really touched my heart and they were a lot of fun. The were so ready to be loved and be your friend and do anything with you. 

I also got to connect more with some of the Mozambican leaders on this trip which was a joy. They are some FUNNY guys. It's weird because they remind me so much of my friends in Guatemala, they are constantly joking and you can't believe ANYTHING they tell you. In a joking way. :) They are crazy but a lot of fun! I also found out that one of them had a birthday the same day as me which was Saturday morning, our last morning there. So we prayed and worshipped that morning and said our thanks and goodbyes, then they all sang happy birthday to us. I don't know if it's a normal cultural thing or was just a random joke but one of the guys rubbed his hand in ashes from a fire and shook my hand and proceeded to rub it on my face. So of course I have a picture of that. 

The trip was a success and the ride home was fun, enjoying our deepened friendships, rejoicing in all God did and looking forward to jumping in the ocean and FINALLY getting all the layers of dirt off! ;)

Oh yeah! I must not forget that when we got back, we had a debriefing meeting with our team and our leader told us that a few deaf people, some alcoholics and a couple other people from the village had gone back to the chief and told him they had been healed!!!

God is good! 

Bush bush and more!

It's so hard sometimes to remember everything that has been going on and happened and try to put it in words, and it's hard to find the time and mental capacity to do that, but I will try my best!:)

Today is Sunday, a week since I wrote my last blog post. This past week has been crazy!!

Monday this past week we started classes. "Class" isn't so much class. How it's worked so far is at 8am we go and have announcements, then worship time, then a speaker. A guest or Heidi, Rolland or countless others. They all flow very much with the Holy Spirit so there's no telling what will happen. There is a lot of ministry time and outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Each day we usually have 2 main speakers, so one in the 8am session and then another again starting with worship, speaker, ministry, around 11 or 12 and then we are done with classes and go to lunch around 1:30. 

There are usually optional sessions in the afternoon with one of the guest speakers. Those can be anything really, but usually are something a little more informative and specific. 

All of the students are broken up into 24 teams that do different ministry and service things together. The teams consist of about 12-15 harvest students and a few Mozambican bible students. Last Wednesday we had a party where we met all of our team and then we had competitive games. It was a lot of fun but unfortunately that day I wasn't feeling well so couldn't enjoy it too much.

That brings me to my next subject. Last Wednesday I felt completely drained and my stomach was not doing so hot. I could barely sit up in class and felt pretty miserable. It was hard to get anything out of it when I wasn't feeling well and fell asleep a few times in class. We sit on the ground, so some people have small chairs or cushions (something I didn't bring which I wish I had). A lot of people lay down for parts of class because it's a LONG day to be sitting on concrete. That's something I've had to learn patience in. Sitting on hard floors for long periods of time or standing for long periods of time. Not too great at that, so it's a stretch for me. :) 

But I digress. Anyway, I was sick and asked my family to pray for me because I knew I left for outreach the next day and couldn't imagine being able to do it the way I felt. Bush outreach is a weekend trip with your ministry team to a rural village. I went with my team to a village about an hour and a half away. The format they usually use is to show the Jesus film, share the gospel through song, drama etc. and then pray for people who want salvation or people who are sick. We got to go with Heidi and Rolland the fist night, so that was an honor to minister with them. We had a great weekend. Too much to share in the short time I have to write. We spent a LOT of time playing with kids in the village. There were an ABUNDANCE of kids. I took lots of pictures but don't have them on the phone I'm using so can't post them now. But I'll add them later or when I get home. Oh yeah, so scatterbrained. lol. When I woke up Thursday to leave for outreach I felt soooo much better. I had way more energy and my stomach wasn't having problems anymore. So that was a huge relief for me! It was quite the adventure, riding there over bumpy roads in a flat bed truck, sleeping in tents, using a latrine, (hole in the ground) and not showering! I can say for sure I was the dirtiest I have ever been. When we got back my whole team went and jumped in the ocean, and we brought our shampoo and soap along. Haha. Water has been off on base for about a week, so it would be awesome if that would come back on! But it's definitely a stretching experience. 

I did my first load of hand laundry today. It's crazy the things I take for granted at home. Some of which will no longer be:

Running water

Showers

Having the option of being clean

Wifi!!!

Personal space... Yeah. None.

And many other things! 

Well my phone is dying so I'm gonna stop for now, but hopefully that's a little bit of an update.

Oh yeah, I turned 25 too. ;) got to go out to eat twice. Once with my house girls and once with my ministry team. Here's a couple pictures:

Prayer requests:

Running water

Energy (tired A LOT)

Patience and endurance

I've battled some discouragement and comparison when I don't experience and receive the same way as others and feelings of inadequacy

Continued health!

Intimacy with Jesus above all else!

Thank you, I love you all! 

Salama

So this I wrote this a week ago. Slow in coming, but it's really challenging to get internet. Tons has happened since I wrote this but I'll write that for next time! 

Salama is the common greeting around here. It's the tribal Makua language. So that's the title of this post. :)

Life is great. Things have been going well. Things have become a little more routine and home-like, which isn't a bad thing, but some of the initial excitement has worn off I guess. Although I'm sure there will be plenty more with all of the new experiences yet to come!

Today was a crazy day. Today is children's day in Mozambique. It always falls when the June Harvest group comes so there are lots of hands to help make it a huge event. And by huge, you have no idea! We are talking THOUSANDS of kids! They were estimating 5000 to even 7000. I'm not sure how many actually came. 

We started the day with a meeting for all of the students, we broke up into and met our teams we will be doing ministry with all summer. Then we were assigned jobs for children's day. 

I'm writing this on Sunday, so church! After our meeting we headed to church. It was an amazing experience! The church building was PACKED! I'm not sure if that's normal or if there were extras for children's day. We started off with worship which was great. We sang some "normal" (by my standards) songs in English and Portuguese I believe, although it was hard to make out what language because it's so loud in there. Haha. Then they broke into some more African sounding songs that were really upbeat and a big dance party broke out. It was so much fun! There was incredible freedom and we were just grabbing kids and spinning them around, jumping up and down and running in circles. Everyone was so joyful and happy.

During the sermon, which was given by youth who shared their testimonies (unfortunately I couldn't hear because of all the noise and chaos) we sat packed like sardines on the floor with little ones all around, climbing around us, sitting on our laps, braiding hair, and NOT being very quiet. Haha

Here's me trying to take a picture with some kids at church:

 Heidi has been traveling and just got back in town yesterday I think, so today was the first time I had seen her. It was amazing just seeing her in the place where she's had such an immeasurable impact. As I looked at her and the thousands packed in that church I was in awe of how God can use one couple to change a nation. It inspires me so much. And intimidates me a little too, wondering if I could ever have that kind of impact. 

The big hit of children's day was CHICKEN and CANDY! A huge treat for Mozambicans. I don't know how they did it, but they served their Mozambican Bible students, then us 300+ Harvest students, then the countless thousands of children who came to the base today. Some walked miles. Some carrying baby brothers or sisters on their backs. 

My group was assigned to help wash hands. Which involved using pitchers to pour diluted bleach water on all the kids hands coming in. We got to greet them and smile at them as they came in. 

Got to go to the beach again tonight and spend some time playing with kids and seeing the sunset. Another "is this real life?" moment. 

The other day I got to go to the baby house on base, you have to sign up and go at certain times because of their schedule and to not overwhelm them with a ton of people. They are SO precious. I wanted to take them all home. Won't be the last time I hang out there. :)

Pictures say a thousand words right? So lots of pictures in this post. :)

I've been doing new things and learning new things. It's an exciting time. 

Here are a few:

TONS of new friends. Which is awesome. I often struggle with making friends, but it's been so good here. I feel like I can be myself and whoever I want to be because no one has pre-conceived ideas of me being a shy, quiet person. It's a good feeling. One time I was talking about being an introvert and one of my new friends said I didn't seem shy or like an introvert at all. Seems kind of silly but it was kind of huge for me because I feel like I've always been put in that box and it's shaped who I am and limited me at times. Anyways, random rabbit trail.

Another new thing I've been doing: .... Eating with my hands.

I haven't used a utensil since I got here. And it's not "finger food" lol. Tons of rice with various toppings on different days: beans, spinach like veggie, cabbage, fish etc. We have silverware in our house we are allowed to take to the cafeteria for meals, but eating with your hand is the traditional mozambican way and I kind of live by "when in Rome" when I travel. I just love trying new things and trying my best adjust to other cultures. It's such a learning experience and helps me be really flexible and adaptable. And it's kind of fun! so if you see me eating with my hands when I get home, don't be surprised. :P

Classes start tomorrow! So I'm really excited for that. Going to bed early so I don't fall asleep in class. ;) 

Oh yeah!!! Lest I forget. Yesterday after I got home from lunch on the beach and wifi, a truck pulled in packed with lost luggage. As they unloaded it a group waited impatiently to see if ours were on the truck. I didn't see mine for awhile but finally towards the back I did! So many people were jumping up and down and so excited. It felt like Christmas! It really did. Haha. I was high-fiving and hugging others who I had commiserated about lost luggage with. I was so excited to finally get my stuff and quickly realized after unpacking how much of it I could have left home and lived without. But I'm glad to have it and it was all a wonderful stretching and growing experience. 

Jesus is good. I hope you know that. And he loves you more than you could possibly ever know. :)