It's all about intimacy

Hello everybody!

I miss you all so very much. I've been praying for family and friends back home. I'd like to offer if you have any prayer needs to post them in a comment or email me and I will pray over them once I get them! marynegley@icloud.com

Life is going pretty well. God continues to amaze and overwhelm me. 

It's been awhile since I've written so I may be a little scatterbrained trying to remember things. 

First off I just want to explain that God has changed my perspective for this summer. I came here expecting to go out and do all these great things and see miracles and spend a lot of time getting to know the Mozambican people here. (I definitely think those things will still happen, at least to some extent.) But right now in these three weeks I've been here he just keeps telling me to rest and draw close to Him. Although normally as Christians we say, "it's not about me." I feel like to some extent Jesus has been saying to me "it's all about you, Mary." Not to be self-centered, but that He wants my heart. He wants to pursue me and love on me and teach me who he is and who I am. He is teaching me so much about intimacy with him and how important and how beautiful it is. 

It's been a bit of a stretch and learning process. Although my heart wants to rest and just spend time with him, I almost feel guilty at times. There are so many options of things to do here with free time. Go to the market, go to town, go out to eat, spend time in the kids or baby houses, go into the village and do evangelism or praying for people, go to the beach, go to different optional guest speaker sessions, worship sessions and more! But he keeps bringing me back to a place of rest and intimacy. I actually had that word spoken over me that he wanted me to rest and experience his love. The person praying for me actually said that God wanted me to do whatever I wanted. (Within reason of course;) But it was very freeing just knowing how good he is and how his grace is so big. As long as our hearts are on him that's what he cares about most.

I had another cool encounter with the Holy Spirit in class worship one morning this week. I was praying for my family and some people at home and felt the Holy Spirit on me so strong. I began weeping and weeping (seems to be how the Holy Spirit likes to work in me often. Haha) and I could just feel his presence. 

Ok, I guess I need to back up. Many know this but I have questioned for years why I haven't experienced the Holy Spirit in more tangible ways as I've longed for it and prayed for it and been prayed over. One manifestation specifically of tongues. I've never told anyone this, but I started quite awhile ago, speaking out in prayer what I believed could be my prayer language. I only did it in private and I always doubted that it was real or from God. I always felt like I was just making it up. Everyone I knew who spoke in tongues had always had a very marking, definite experience where they knew that they received the gift. I had never had that so I doubted it but I still tried to step out in faith and pray. I knew that whether it was the Holy Spirit or not, God would honor it because I was doing it out of faith and for his glory and not for anyone else. Ok back to present. So when I was in worship and felt the Holy Spirit on me was the first time I had every truly felt the Holy Spirit moving my lips and my tongue. It was kind of crazy and I still don't really understand it or know if it will happen again, but it was a pretty amazing experience. After that happened I was just in awe and worship and joyful thanks to Jesus. During that time of being touched by God, there was someone behind me who put their hand on me and prayed for me, then another staff member (the funny guy Papa Tony) came from across the room and laid a hand on my shoulder and was praying for me. I don't even know what he prayed (he prayed silently) or why he felt lead to come over but I believe he could tell God was touching me because he literally came from the other side of the room through the crowd just to pray for me. God apparently likes to work in 3-fold experiences for me because he still wasn't done with me. A tiny, adorable Hispanic lady I had never met, came up to me and said she wanted me to receive a hug from the Father, so she wrapped her arms around me and prayed for me. We both cried. She prayed for Jesus' love to touch me and for him to complete the work he was doing in me, she prayed for freedom and some other things I don't really remember but it was really good. Part of the time she prayed in Spanish which was meaningful to me, because she had no idea I understood Spanish. She was so precious. I'm extremely blessed by how God uses others to minister to me. 

As I experience the Holy Spirit more and in different ways I've desired for so long, God is speaking and opening my eyes. Although those experiences have been amazing and I praise him for touching me, I feel like he has allowed me to experience those things to know that they are good gifts but He is really all I need. Those experiences haven't changed me or changed my relationship with him. He's still the same. I could be wrong in interpreting it this way but I almost feel like he's saying "See Mary, those things are great, but you don't need them. You know me and you haven't needed those things to know me. I'm so much better." So I feel extremely honored to be able to know his heart. 

Another thing God has been teaching me about is righteousness and holiness. I have always wanted to be righteous and holy, but I can't say in my life I have ever truly hungered for it, until now. Matthew 5:6 is quickly becoming a favorite. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied." I've actually experienced a hungering and longing for righteousness, purity and holiness. A hunger to be sanctified and be more like Jesus. And the great thing is, he promises he will satisfy!

Jesus has also been speaking to me about my identity. Not even as much on a deep level. One day in class they were speaking about identity. I started writing in my journal all these thing that I felt God was showing me about myself. I filled up a whole page with phrases like "I made you to be ___" "I made you for ___" it's so cool, because it's not even necessarily that deep or spiritual. It doesn't say anything about what I'll be doing in the future or what job or ministry. It's just things about how he made me. For example free and childlike. I think it's going to be a great thing to go and look back on. 

God has been highlighting so many areas in my life. Uncovering things I didn't even think about and bringing up areas to gently deal with. One of which has been forgiveness and praying for people who have hurt me. That's always a fun one! Haha. But God is good and faithful to soften my heart when I let him. He has allowed me to feel compassion and love in situations in a natural state I really shouldn't be able to.

God gave me a picture the other day of all these rooms in my heart that he was coming and cleaning out and making completely white and shiny on the inside. Areas of hurt and pain and all kind of crap. The picture was more specific and personal but I feel like in a broad way that's exactly what he is doing this whole time. 

He's so good. I just want to receive all that he has for me so that when the time comes I can pour out to whoever he puts in front of me. 

I pray that what he is teaching me continues to bless all of you who read it and that he will speak to and impart his spirit in greater ways to you too! 

Sorry, no pictures this time. Haven't done anything too exciting or gone anywhere picture-worthy. What he is doing in me can't really be captured in a picture anyway. 

P.s. I've been sick all week with a bad chest cold but I feel like I'm finally getting over it. Still coughing, but my body feels good and getting stronger. Thanks for praying! 

Oh, one more thing! We had our first meeting yesterday morning for the Cambodia team. It was so good! Still didn't get a ton of details, but we will be visiting both bases there, one in the capital and one on the coast. (Jesus loves to bless me with the beach;) It was great connecting with the leaders and others going. At the meeting there were only two other students, both girls. More people may join or decide to go still. They have till July 1st to finalize all the teams. But I will definitely be ok with a small group. And I already feel a connection with the two other girls. The leaders and 3 of us girls all prayed together and we felt a lot of unity. I left the meeting SO excited for the trip. I can't wait! 

Be blessed! And remember I would love to pray for you if you have any requests!